A Domestic Calibration Device
Read carefully. Circle one answer. No appeals.
Your new girlfriend surveys your kitchen and declares that storing butter at room temperature is unhygienic. She places the butter dish in the refrigerator.
You:
a. Ask her to leave.
b. Open a beer and turn on the rugby match.
c. Dispute her scientific credentials and restore the butter to its rightful domain.
d. Agree — and refrigerate only when she is expected.
e. Agree — and refrigerate henceforth.
f. Step outside and smoke cannabis.
Findings
A — The Border Guard
Sovereignty first.
B — The Deflector
Ritual over rupture.
C — The Cross-Examiner
Breakfast is adversarial.
D — The Strategist
Compliance is situational.
E — The Harmoniser
Peace over spreadability.
F — The Astronaut
Altitude clarifies.
Usage:
For advanced play, each partner circles the answer they believe the other would choose. Reveal simultaneously. Discuss.
This is not about butter.
It is about jurisdiction.
Bottom of Form
Key
- You suffer from Walter Mitty Syndrome (WMS) and should apply for mental health benefits. You don’t even have a girlfriend.
- You are alcoholic and suffer from Passive-Aggressive Disorder (PAD). You will be married, but your wife will cop on and leave you for a salsa dancing instructor named Raul. You’ll watch rugby with your mates; your kids will call Raul ‘dad.’
- You have Controlling Personality Syndrome (CPS) and are a sociopath. Nobody gets benefits for that. You will soon regulate her hem length, cleavage, and social calendar. You will end up in prison. Your children won’t bring you fags.
- You suffer from Deceitfulness Syndrome (DS) and are a sociopath. Run for public office and party on taxpayer’s money.
- You are sexually desperate and suffer from incurable Hypoactive Sexual Desire Syndrome (HSDS). You are a toady and lickspittle, will do anything to get laid. You’ll become a gay politician’s drag punk.
- If she follows you outside and compliments the bicycle hanging over your mantle, you’ll fall on one knee and beg her to marry you. Who cares about the butter? (Impulsivity Syndrome!) You’ll have an empty bank account and lousy credit all your life.
(If she does not follow you, ask her to preheat the oven to gas mark six for the pizzas in your freezer, offer her a toke.)
