News from America ~ Reading Glasses
Johanna and Bridie, her mother, were having tea in the kitchen when they heard the familiar clack of the front door letterbox. ‘That’ll be Michael with the mail,’ Bridie said, as Jo rose to collect it from the entryway floor. The two old women looked strikingly similar, both round and cozy as teapots. Jo had recently moved into her mother’s home. Their pensions went farther living under one roof. And, they enjoyed each other’s company.
‘It’ll be rubbish or bills, but I can’t just step over them,’ Jo grumbled. ‘The post is never worth the stooping to pick up.’ Fanning the mail as she retrieved it, she gave a running commentary, ‘No, we don’t want to upgrade our Sky subscription, no, we don’t want to change auto insurers, and most emphatically, no, we don’t want coupons to buy eye liner and lip gloss. Then, Jo’s face burst into a broad smile. ‘There’s a letter from our Mairead in America!’
‘I thought that one had been carried off by red Indians or caught up in a gunfight at McDonald’s,’ Bridie said. ‘She shouldn’t be in America. It’s not safe – drive by shootings, police assassinations of cheeky teenagers, and genetically modified corn in all the food. If she gets home at all, she’ll have webbed feet or her teeth will have grown all crooked.’
‘Mum, stop that crazy talk!’ Jo said. ‘You know she had good reason to go there. She got a job and is getting an advanced degree at San Diego University. And, where’s a tall girl like her going to find a fella around here? Americans are bigger and…’
‘Because of the hormones pumped into all the meat,’ Bridie interjected. ‘And, they’re not taller, just fatter. You should watch Jerry Springer’s Show. They’re all fat and covered with tattoos. They use scandalous language too.’
‘Mum, would you please let me read the letter?’ Jo said. ‘It’s been a long time since we heard from our Mairead.’
‘Yes, dear, please do read the letter. I’d like to know what new mischief that one is making.’
Mairead, Jo’s youngest child and only daughter, had a special bond with her grandmother. With Jo working full-time during her childhood, Mairead’s day-to-day upbringing had been Bridie’s task. A beloved child and tomboy, she was spoiled by her brothers and spent her youth getting into and out of difficult scrapes. Bridie grieved when she’d gone off to America.
Putting on her reading glasses, Jo said ‘I’ll read it aloud, Mum,’ knowing her mother’s eyesight made reading difficult.
Dear Mum & Nan:
I do wish you had email! I correspond all the time with Ronan and Michael and the twins. If you had a computer, we could even chat face-to-face on Skype.
‘That’s our Molly, alright,’ said Bridie. ‘Who else would start a letter home with a scolding?’
I have lots of news, but I’ve got to tell you the best first. The special fella I’ve been seeing has asked me to marry him. His name is Kaywon O’Farrell….
(Here Jo edited Kaywon to ‘Kieran’ as she read to Bridie.)
He’s a professional football player on the San Diego Chargers. Kaywon is Afro-Irish American and…
(Jo read ‘Kieran is Irish-American’ and continued)
is a lovely man! He treats me like finest crystal, opens every door, and has given me the most beautiful engagement ring any girl could ever want. I feel so special when he’s near me.
Kaywon (‘Kieran’) is such a big fella that I look small beside him. He’s 6’8″ and weighs over 16 stone. We met last summer when I gave a guest lecture at San Diego University. We’ve been living together (Jo read ‘neighbours’) for the last month and everything is dreamy except when he has to play out of town. I miss him so much! I can’t wait for you to meet him.
‘They’ll be married in Dunmanway,’ Bridie declared. ‘You call our Molly and tell her she must bring her man home to get married. I’m too old to be flying off to America to be frisked by uniformed thugs or hijacked by the Al Kaida.’
Jo gave Bridie her ‘shush Mum!’ look and continued reading,
Would you please ask Father Michael if he’ll marry us this spring? Kaywon (‘Kieran’) has Irish relatives, just like President Obama (Jo substituted ‘Kennedy’), and he wants to invite them to attend. He plans to fly his mother and grandmother over for our wedding.
Kaywon (‘Kieran’) was raised in the African Baptist Church (Jo read ‘Protestant’), but is taking Catholic instruction from Father James, our campus chaplain.
Catherine’s brow wrinkled, but she continued on with the remainder of the letter which detailed Mairead’s future plans which were, sadly, in America.
There was silence for a few minutes, tears welling in both women’s eyes. Then Bridie spoke, ‘Johanna, I think you need to have your reading glasses checked. Molly’s young man is called Kaywon, not Kieran. You should watch American Football with me on television. Your Da used to love it. Kaywon O’Farrell is a rookie tight end and kick returner on the Charger’s special team. Just two weeks ago he ran back a kickoff for 97 yards and a touchdown. The commentators say he’s got a great future in the NFL. He’s a beautiful man too with a huge smile and dreadlocks down over his shoulders. Our Molly’s a lucky girl. I could just eat him up!
‘We’d better learn about computers too,’ Bridie continued, ‘If Molly’s staying in America, I want to be able to see my great-grandchildren. Knowing her, they’ll come along any day.’
Jo gulped and turned, looking at her mother open mouthed. She paused and finally said, ‘Right, Mum. I’ll see about new reading glasses.’
‘The Chargers have a pre-season game at Wimbledon next fall,’ Bridie said. ‘Do you suppose Molly’s Kaywon can get us tickets?’
